Let’s think how the gospel helps us love others. Why do we struggle to love others, as we ought? Why do we sin against each other? Why is it that we struggle with this?
It’s because at the root of our failure to love others is selfishness … it is the worship of self. It is the idea that I am king of the universe, the center, and that my world should work the way I want it to in order to make my joy complete. It’s an entitlement attitude. The truth is we all have this attitude and so we all think our world should operate a certain way. And when someone else gets in the way of that happening, I hurt him or her. Or I see someone else as a means or a tool to make me happy. Do you see? My failure to love others and sin against them is rooted in my drive to make sure I am happy or get whatever it is I think I need for myself and/or think I am entitled to. And it is an absolute failure to think about the gospel.
Look again at Ephesians 5. Ephesians 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
See the command? The command is to love others. But the command is again connected to the gospel, to the work of Jesus. It’s almost as if Paul has turned Jesus’ own phrase that he spoke before the cross, not “love your neighbor as yourself” but “love your neighbor the way you have been loved by Christ.”
Clearly, what the Bible says is that we should love sacrificially; we should love others in a costly way. But the phrase “as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us” is pregnant with all that the Bible says about the death of Jesus for us.
So you love others even in a costly way – you remember that it cost Jesus everything, infinitely more than anything you have to give up. And that means you forgive others freely. Why is it that you will not forgive someone? It’s because you want them to pay for what they did to you. It’s that simple. But you have forgotten that Jesus paid for your sins at a much greater price (and if they are a Christian then he paid for their sins to). Sure it will cost you to forgive but it cost Jesus infinitely more. It means you serve others freely and sacrificially, even if it costs you time or money or recreation/entertainment or it may cause you some kind of emotional harm as you lay yourself down for each other; beloved, we should just know this; if we serve other sinners, we’ll probably get hurt; that’s kind of what happened to Jesus.
And you love others in an unconditional way – you know the gospel; you know that Jesus did not die for you and pay the penalty for your sins because you were smart enough, good enough, likable enough, pretty enough; indeed, you were unlovely, dead in your sins, but he loved you even when you were dead in your trespasses. And so you look at others not as tools to make you happy or increase your success. You look at them as Christ has looked at you, selflessly. He did not need you and does not need you now. You can’t add anything to him. But you need him and he loves you. That’s how we are to see others.
In other words, you love others even though they haven’t “earned” your love with their performance because you know that the only thing you earned from God was his judgment; but he was and is so rich and lavish in his mercy toward you, you just can’t get over it and so you love others. See, when I do not love others, the problem is that my math is off. And I need to spend time measuring the infinite distance between what I deserved as a sinner and what I have received as a forgiven saint (as Stephen Altrogge wrote).
Impatience and anger and unforgiveness and adultery and whatever is almost always rooted in a faulty sense of entitlement. Because I have put myself in the center of my life I think I deserve something better. And I sin against others and withhold love from others because they are not doing their part to make my world better. My gospel math is off. I have forgotten just what God has done for me.
This is what we sound like: “I can’t believe that person said that to me – I can’t believe my kids don’t respect and obey me – why doesn’t my wife appreciate me? – why doesn’t my boss recognize me? – I can’t believe so and so did not give me that or help me with this or did this to me or did this to my kids.”
Do you see that your math is off? Beloved, the only “why” questions we should be asking are: “Why would God send his only Son to save a wretch like me? Why would God make Jesus who knew no sin to become my sin that I might reap all the rewards of eternal life in Christ? Why would I, an enemy of God and an idolater, be reconciled through the death of God’s Son in order that I might have union with him forever?” The only answer to these questions is that God loved me and gave himself for me.
The right thing to say is “I can’t believe that God gave me an inheritance that I did not earn instead of a hell that I did! I can’t believe Jesus hung on a cross in my place, instead of me! I can’t believe Jesus swallowed the wrath of God down to the last drop for my sin. I can’t believe that God has made me his beloved child!”
And see, that’s the issue isn’t. It’s hard to believe. The truth is, when we calculate the infinite distance between what we deserve and what God has given us, it’s too good to be true. And we then forget the truth of Ephesians 5:1, that we are God’s beloved children. Oh, we believe it intellectually, but functionally, practically speaking, we don’t. That’s why we get selfish.
But God reminds me that I am His beloved child. Do you know what that means? It means that God will take care of me and provide for me. It means I don’t have to worry about getting for myself all the stuff I think I need. It means I don’t have to run over others to get what I want or make others pay for it when they hurt me because I already have all I need – forgiveness, love, acceptance, God’s promise that he will take care of me and provide for me, an inheritance that will never fade, and so on. I have God … He’s my father and he said he will withhold no good thing from me. He’s my father and his word says in Romans 8:32 “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?“ He will give me all I need.
See, here’s another example combining both things. Take the issue of being slow to anger (patient) or not easily offended. It’s your birthday and they don’t recognize you at church. “They recognized deacon ‘talks-a-lot’ why didn’t they recognize me.” GOSPEL MATH. “Do I really deserve to be honored before all these people? The truth is if they knew the things I have done, said, and thought, I would be so ashamed, not honored. And all that shame was put on Jesus anyway. So, I didn’t get what I deserved.” GOSPEL IDENTITY. And, I am the child of my Father. He knows me. He knows it’s my birthday. He knows all my needs. And he has accepted me and given me an inheritance. I don’t need man’s praise or approval. I have his. If they recognize me great and if they don’t, it’s probably better for me since I am so prone to pride anyway.”
